GEN UP ON GENDARMES - 

1. Never laugh at them especially at motor-way pay barriers no matter what size their moustaches are.

2. If they call to check your papers at home always offer them a coffee but never the Calvados your friendly farmer sold you for 5 euros a litre – this is strictly illegal and they'll ask you for its origin.

3. When stopped at a road check always say ''yes'' when asked if you are ''en vacance''. They will then wave you on with good wishes.

4. When calling at the Gendamerie to report an incident or to get help, raising your voice in the hope they'll understand English is not a good idea.

5. Always call a gendarme 'Monsieur' or even 'Monsieur l'Inspector', flattery seems to work.

6. Always let the lady in the car do the talking if at all possible and always smile sweetly – that too works wonders.

7. Always carry your passport and driving licence with you and keep your car documents in the car – although they seldom understand them the production on demand creates a good impression.

8. If you are stopped by the police do not mention your friend the local gendarme. They don't like each other – the police don't have the power of the gendarmes and there's always a certain amount of jealousy.

9. If your neighbour is the local senator or similar dignitary, it's always worth mentioning his name if you are having a contretemps – they are very susceptible to 'who you know'.

10. If you do need help don't ever hesitate to ask a gendarme – they are actually very helpful.

BON CHANCE.

Fraser Blake, 70, author of 'Dear Chips' and 'A Rant Too Far?' grew up in Africa, was at school in Scotland, and worked for the British South Africa Police in Southern Rhodesia. He has taught English in Saudi Arabia and sold and renovated hundreds of properties in Northern France.

In 1998 Fraser was selling houses in the Mayenne department of the Pays de la Loire region and so was the obvious choice, when Cle France was started, to be their first agent on the ground in France. In retirement he writes, blogs, cooks, drinks wine, and hosts to dinner unlimited numbers of ex-pats.

Always on hand with a viewpoint, Fraser is going to share his views on France, the French and the British, and other people who buy in France. Sometimes informative, sometimes funny, painfully true, outrageously opinionated but always entertaining so we hope it adds a slightly different dimension to the usual normality of searching through the fantastic properties for sale on the Cle France website.

If you want more? then follow the links above where you can buy Fraser's published books.