Croissants in the morning. There's nothing quite like a French croissant from the local boulangerie for brekkers. But is one ever enough? The answer is always Not really. They are so moreish especially when they are warmed up and covered with melting butter and strawberry jam. So, always give in to your baser instincts and have at least two.
Spend the morning wandering round the nearest town visiting the local bars, sitting outside sipping a demi in each and watching the world go by. This will take you to lunch time before you know it.
Ahhhh! The French lunch. There will be numerous brasseries and restaurants all offering a superb lunch for about 10 euros. Menus usually offer four courses and often include a bottle of house wine. By the end of lunch you'll be feeling pretty full so you need to find a shady nook somewhere where you can sit and read and perhaps sip a digestif or two.
After another gentle stroll it will be time to find the Salon du The for afternoon tea and patisseries. Then a few more demis to keep body and soul hydrated and it will be dinner time. Again, plenty of bistros and restaurants doing excellent meals for between 15 and 25€. Starters will often include rillets. This is a northern peasant form of pate which is truly delicious but definitely not on Weight Watchers menu. Follow this with a fish or meat course covered in a wonderful creamy sauce, they are the best. The cheese board is usually stacked with the stuff heart attacks are made of - no half fat cheese here – but the tastes are magnificent. Follow this with a slice of apple or pear tart for which this region is famous and you'll have done mind and soul the power of good, even if midriff leather is straining somewhat.
The local markets are a must. These are often, but not necessarily, on Saturday. They are full of local produce which will include thick fresh ream, local cheeses, goat and sheep often predominant. These are always full cream, soft and delicious.
If you are doing some cooking for yourself you will have to learn to use the local crème fraiche available from local shops and supermarkets. This is an essential part of Normandy cooking and has the quality of turning a fairly pedestrian dish into something special. Add it in reasonable quantities and see.
If you are contemplating a picnic the supermarkets always have a great selection of Salami type sausages. They come in a variety of sizes and shapes and cut very thinly always go down well with cold potatoes, mayonnaise and pasta salad with a drizzle of olive oil.
For the evenings whilst sitting and sipping another digestif or a coffee, it would be churlish not to try at least some of the amazing array of chocolates on offer in the shops and boulangeries. The problem here is that once you've had one it is impossible not to have another and so on.
Of course, to keep your diet on the rails you should do some exercise. This usually means a gym. Forget it. You'll hunt for ages and not come across one. The French round here have not got round to gyms yet. However, you are on holiday so what the hell! I admit the French are keen cyclists – usually in packs of at least ten and all wearing the club colours and covered in Lycra.
So unless you are forced to bring a bike out you can forget finding anywhere to exercise.
Fraser Blake, 70, author of 'Dear Chips' and 'A Rant Too Far?' grew up in Africa, was at school in Scotland, and worked for the British South Africa Police in Southern Rhodesia. He has taught English in Saudi Arabia and sold and renovated hundreds of properties in Northern France.
In 1998 Fraser was selling houses in the Mayenne department of the Pays de la Loire region and so was the obvious choice, when Cle France was started, to be their first agent on the ground in France. In retirement he writes, blogs, cooks, drinks wine, and hosts to dinner unlimited numbers of ex-pats.
Always on hand with a viewpoint, Fraser is going to share his views on France, the French and the British, and other people who buy in France. Sometimes informative, sometimes funny, painfully true, outrageously opinionated but always entertaining so we hope it adds a slightly different dimension to the usual normality of searching through the fantastic properties for sale on the Cle France website.
If you want more? then follow the links above where you can buy Fraser's published books.
